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Dead year come back trail! it has happened again

The Advent/September semester seems to be in many ways the most challenging of all for me.At the height of my studies with many successes and downfalls , i never expected this fall once more.Although my course work results were promising ,the failure to clear my tuition balance wore me down.This has left me so depressed.

Today i want to let it be known that i am considering leaving school for some time.For my mother in the village to get this news ,it will mean some thing else altogether.I am very much aware that my decision will affect every one around me.It will mean me letting go off a career that i have struggled so hard to pursue.

It is not easy to convey how tough the pressure of applying for a dead year a second time can be, especially when one is in third year-with only a semester to graduate.Though i resumed the semester late ,i constantly continued working hard ,spending sleepless nights and running around to beat the course work deadlines with hope that i would sit for the papers,but alas the sorrowful day! it failed.This has given me a mental effect that i can’t adequately explain to those who aren’t students or ever been through it.what’s more,failing to sit exams the second time.

After much thought , i told my friends that i wanted to give up on school.Looking back,I’d say  it is the worst thing.I have gone through a lot to reach where i am now and shouldn’t think of giving up.After many seasons of suffering and crying , i have a need to push on and achieve my career dream of becoming a journalist.But i am now left a lone,no one is any more willing to lift me up again.I feel i need to rediscover my self,to feel the rhythm of short coming days fading into joy once more and most of all to get some peace this Christmas.

I need a time of not knowing how many marks i have in the tests and not being able to celebrate,a time to hear my inner voice again.My mother and sisters were always very understanding and supportive even if the news may give them a cause for concern about my career.It is not easy to say  why a person with great love for education can give up.

By the time it was evident that i was going to apply for another dead year,it was clear to me that i had to give up the hope of coming back to school again.It is the most difficult realization of my life,the part that will take me away from my family and life that we were struggling to build .In the midst of the crushing pain and the floor of tears as i write this,there is a quiet and firm knowing that i have to be strong to pursue a new life.

As I sit in here in my small apartment with my head on my hands , crying my self out aloud is the best way to empty my heavy heart.I feel this story in every cell of my being.It is really killing me inside.I fear for my future and for my loved ones whom i thought i would give back to after school.I think of my nephews.What kind of life are they growing up to with out some one to look up to ,and what hope do they have for the future if their aunt can’t even finish school? Since the time they lost their mother they have been looking up to me.If i can’t be strong for once how will i handle them?

Thinking of all these,i am over come with enormous sadness,it seems to me that the more i give a chance,the sadder i get.Sad for always failing to raise enough tuition,and sad for my mother always struggling for me,Why do i have to go through these sufferings in my early twenties.I have become so weak in both spirit and in will and so diminished are my abilities now.I some times wonder what the world will offer me till my death i find peace.

DOES THE US ELECTION OUT COMES BRING HOPE OR DESPAIR?

what-nextIt seems to me that the election results have not accomplished the expectations of many people in the US.The tensions and the frowned faces are really disturbing to my mind.I am forced to ask my self,If Americans never wanted Trump then why did they vote him?
Human beings are really unpredictable animals.Where are all the shouting voices that used to fill the streets with the “Hillary Clinton assured victory”? could they have been empty gallons?I really cant make up sense of all these, i need some help.But also i have come to realize that America is not like Uganda.In Uganda the results would just turn out “as usual”. It is a slogan most people are familiar with unlike in The US where voters are unpredictable.I only hope that with what is already going on,Trump will try to reconcile with the Clinton camp if peace is to prevail.Lets wait and see what Trump has in store for Americans hope or despair,i do not know.

MAKERERE STUDENTS STRANDED

Hundreds of students are still stranded at Makerere university after indefinite close by president .Many of them say they have no money to travel to their upcountry homes.The close is as a result of several strikes by lecturers and students.
As early as 6am Wednesday morning , Police led by general Kale Kayihura are patrolling the campus to ensure that students leave following the presidential directive to close Makerere university to “guarantee the safety of persons and property.”
However a number of students say they have no means of going to their homes.
Jimmy Okello an Education student say “I hail from northern Uganda and I don’t have transport .what can I do now? Why don’t they use the money they are wasting on all these policemen to pay the lecturers so that we remain at school?”
The security officer at the university ,Mr Jackson Mucunguzi who was chatting with Lumunba hall residents say those who fail to vacate by 9:am would be arrested.

SCHOOL TIMES.

One of this days good times are really rare,for me it has been really hard. It is the time for me to read like i had never read before.I reported for this semester just two weeks a go after spending four weeks at home with no hope of ever raising tuition. So when i tell you it is really hard ,then trust me , i feel it. With the research proposal to write,i feel i have entered the first phase of depression of my life. i can open my eyes in the morning and find it impossible to leave my bed. The longest time i have for sleep is three hours. I am beginning to feel tired and lonely.Reading all this things starting from the constitution for media law to research proposal and writing in the blog…i am telling you the list is long.I have all this assignments to write yet i have not attended much class.I have never felt as stressed in my life as i did this semester.I don’t have even a lot of friends around me.All lonely and this is when i realize the pain of getting a dead year.I have come back but my friends are gone,the new ones are hard to make.But i am not about to give up never ,school is school all i need is determination and i am good to go!

THE EVENING RIDE.

On a cool evening,my friend Nelson and I decided to take a ride to the park. It was a relief to be out of home and feel the coolness of the evening ride. I immediately sat on the motorcycle and off we went. Ridding through under the wheels ,passing upon buildings and streets,night sky black,street lights glittering and on the motorcycle the intense wind not blowing but breathing,tightening the skin around my eyes and chills gasping sense of almost ice inside me. Passing through the humps up and down….up and down. Out of the corner of my eyes. I noticed Nelson point at something.

And out of the corner just passing right by,there in that small space was an office that used to be special  and a source of happiness.No matter how much it meant to the people in it, in this office now lies memories of pain.

All was silent,all was still……. no one around except us to see the emptiness that now lies in that office space.I could feel the pain in his heart as he narrated that story to me but i was helpless ,i lost words.

If i could write a story,

I would write about that evening,that short moment i had with him in that office area,once a source of happiness and inspiration now full of painful memories.

I know you could have been through so much.Its amazing that you made it through and i hope the lessons you have learned were able to pull you through .Remember who you are ,who you want to become and every thing will fall in place.The trials experienced in life can make all the good come out as we do our best day by day,

Take time to pray

its important we need it

But that is life, some times up the hill other times down the valley just like the humps we were riding through,bumping up and down.

Straight we went into that peaceful place,

It was a golden garden,a lovely field of happiness.Skies so clear and blue.i enjoyed the coolness ,for it made everything joyful and exciting. Across from where we stood was seated a garden,very beautiful and full of flowers. Together we looked closely at the garden and decided it was where we would go for the evening. As we entered inside that golden garden,i breathed the scent of nice fresh air and felt the breeze within my hair as I watched the calm silence. It was a fresh evening,an evening so calm. The kind of evening that was inviting me with an outstretched arm. In my heart was a silent applause , a feeling of gratitude for no one to hear. For I was tired from hard work at home . I realized after that date that family,friends,love,laughter are what we should seek,those are the precious things right outside our doors for FREE!

STORM OF GRIEF

When i was still very young,i never felt how painful death really was even though i had lost my father by then.I always heard people say “this is the end of me” after losing a loved one.But my thought always was that people die and that is it so there is no need crying. It was during the new year’s celebration of 2014 that the reality of death hit me. Christine my sister fell sick.Inside me i knew she would recover little did i know the sickness was taking her. As people were celebrating,i was in the hospital looking after now my late sister.I knew i could only be around her to give her false hope ,look forward to month of no improvement. My mother was there with emptiness.On fourth 2014 ,anxious as usual,i lay on my bed struggling to find some sleep.I heard a voice calling me,it was around 10:25 pm.I knew it was my brother Pascal calling however this was not his usual voice,it was faint and came out with a lot of pain.I began to tremble,got up and went straight to the door and opened it. At the door way stood my brother,he had trails of tears flowing on his cheeks.I grew impatient,it was unendurable then he threw his hands around me and all i heard was…we have lost her..e..v..lin.she is dead.eeeh..and the rest i couldn’t hear he spoke in broken sentences.That night inside my room alone,i sat facing the window and cried so bitterly. i couldn’t believe my sister had gone and gone forever.